If you are like me, you have found yourself having many friends in the fruity community at The Ohio State University, so much so that despite the many Hydroflasks and Stanleys you have had to dodge while crossing the Oval on the way to your 8 am Chem lab, you have assumed that your fellow classmates are all a little silly, goofy and fruity.
However, after attending an event on Ohio State’s campus last Tuesday night, I have finally become aware of the fact that not all of Ohio State is fruity. I had this revelation from the gods in the straightest way possible; attending the Dancing With The Stars Live tour.
Last Tuesday in between midterms, classes and the rain, I found myself shoulder to shoulder with the only straight people that I could find; middle aged women flocking from all over Ohio despite missing their monthly Parent Teacher Association meeting in an attempt to swoon over the male professional dancers to find an excuse to leave their sorry excuses of husbands.
The first thing that I noticed upon joining this thirsty group of thirty year olds was their perfume collections that would make Victoria Secret have a run for her money. The amount of women in their late thirties and up drenched in perfume felt as though the event was in between a Country Club and a Nursing Home.
The next obvious thing I noticed was the crowd. Whether I was in line for the VIP portions, trying to get merch or trying to get into the auditorium for the actual show, the line of Karen’s and Karen wannabes rallied only the bathroom and customer service lines at Disney World.
Last but not least, one thing that stuck out like a sore thumb at this event was how thirsty all the women were. The amount of thirstiness coming from the Karen’s would make a middle school boy just learning what the phrase “rizz” meant for the first time go cry to his mama. With the amount that the women at this show thirsted over the male pros, you would have thought that this was the first time they had ever seen a man in their entire life.
When the Sundial asked the most thirsted after pro, Valentin Chmerkovskiy, whom has both a wife and a kid who were also at this show, what he thought about the behavior of these women he responded
“Give them and the Ohio boys time to grow up.”
Written by Nellie Moore