As spring break approaches, members of the Ohio State community are excited to take a break from their studies and catch a flight to a tropical destination to forget all of their troubles for a week. However, for a certain group of Ohio State students, the first Saturday of Spring Break, March 9th, will be a day that they wish would never come.
On March 9th, after thirteen years, Ohio’s resident nerd, Matthew Patrick aka MatPat, will be retiring from hosting the YouTube channel Game Theory. This once in thirteen year event will have all of your friends, who are secretly nerds, coming out of the woodwork to mourn their childhood hero.
If you are one of the unfortunate ones who will be staying on campus over break, watch out for the mass herd of nerds who will be walking across the Oval at 1 PM on Saturday, March 9, 2024, in all black or in all TheoryWear, drinking Diet Cokes and Panera Bread Charged Lemonade and screaming the lore of Five Nights at Freddy’s. Additionally, you may find them pretending to be sprinklers on the Oval lawn at 7:45 PM while exclaiming, “It is Sprinkler Time!”
If you are looking for a fellow Theorist to mourn with or you want to avoid them at all costs on this day, make sure to do a “clap and a half” to summon the herd and tell them to “Blame Jason” for everything that is happening.
Support your fellow nerds by making sure that they are eating and that they know that the British will be coming shortly.
A final warning for those who will not be staying on campus but will be going home to Northeastern Ohio, specifically those who will be going back to Medina. Watch out for the Theorist army around the world, possibly including myself and the only British person that reads the Sundial, who may be encroaching on Medina during the first weekend of spring break yelling “But that’s Just A Theory, a Game Theory!”
Written by Nellie Moore