“Where is Bebe Rexha when you need her?”

This is the question nearly every OSU student is asking. Except for those working in the Ohio Union, who can expect to hear the update that she is still good, feeling alright, and having the best fucking night of her life, at least 3 times every hour. The voice of a generation, and notably the favorite artist of no one we could find, she truly speaks for the people. We don’t know who those people are, but if we ever find them this article will be updated.

In addition, Bebe is a woman of controversy. On Twitter, she regrettably answered “I would go to Paris 1940s” regarding where she would time travel to. Though later admitting to failing history and being unaware of the events occurring at the time, I think Bebe Rexha knew exactly what she was saying.

If every night of your life is the best fucking night of your life, the luxury of joy can become monotonous. Bebe stated in her song “I’m Good (Blue)” that “Everywhere I go is a good time.” Did she believe she could make even Paris in the 1940s a good time?

I furiously tweeted at her, hoping for a response. After no such luck, I turned to Threads, which felt more like using my notes app than actually reaching out to people on the internet. My days and days spent begging for a response, hoping to learn the answer, were ultimately fruitless.

Giving up on this mission, I turned to the 30 discussion posts I’d missed and begrudgingly caught up on them. To my surprise, the most recent post in the thread was from a woman named Bleta Rexha (Rexha.1). I found her in-depth admission that she was behind on her assignments due to her tour–but more surprisingly, due to her student involvement as one of the many Bruti that populate campus.

I now had it. I had my in. She still hasn’t responded to the 79 Canvas messages and BuckeyeLink emails I’ve sent her (Who actually checks these anyway?) but I haven’t given up. I’ve asked every Brutus on campus I’ve found a question that only she could answer:

“Brutus, where would you time travel to?”

Each time, I’ve only been met with the Brutus doing his fuck-ass poses. I know I haven’t found her yet, but there’s still time. And when I do, I know I will finally be good, feeling alright, and having the best fucking night of my life.

Written by The Bebe Rextective