In addition to a supply of prizes, a luxurious New York City apartment, and a six-figure salary, this year’s Miss Universe winner will be carrying home a new prize – control over a small island nation in the Pacific and its millions of residents.
Boremia, previously run by a line of tyrant rulers, decided this year to throw away the patriarchy, and instead, place its fate on the whims of whoever Steve Harvey and his weird floral suit decides to read this year.
Britney, 21, current Miss New York, stated in an interview “If I win, I will usher in a new era on the island. I hope the current elite are packing their bags because the first thing I’ll do is give them an all-expenses-paid vacation to the gallows.”
The new charter dictates that the first name out of his mouth shall become the ruling queen, but if Steve decides to once again mess up the name, they may have a constitutional crisis on their hands.
This island nation is not known for its prosperity. Food insecurity, rebel coups, education inequity, and territorial claims are just some of the many issues that the future Miss Universe is expected to tackle in her first term of office.
Unfortunately, if she decides not to take office, the military will regain control of the office, which last time led to the deaths of tens of thousands of people.
Nike, whose production of their entire product line serves as the elementary education program on the island of Boremia, declined to comment.
Written by Henry Levenberg, Contributor