In order to capitalize on the steep demand for student tickets to see the Buckeyes absolutely obliterate the Wolverines, as well as fill the ever-present desperate need for staff in campus dining locations, the University is now offering one Block-O ticket to any student willing to commit to a semester of indentured servitude in dining services.
This decision has been met with significant pushback from the Student Advocacy Center. One representative was reported to have said that the OSU-Michigan game was “not worth being exploited for free labor,” which resulted in this individual’s employment being terminated within the hour.
For all the Student Advocacy Center’s concern, the student reception of this idea has been overwhelmingly positive. “That’s tax-free income,” reported one Fisher student, “and with inflation being as crazy as it is, we all would probably do well to avoid storing value in fiat currency anyway. Besides, the opportunity cost of missing this game is far too high.” The student made several other comments containing economic buzzwords, but we have chosen to spare our readers.
Head of dining services Ted Muncemeat is excited by the opportunity to solve the current shortage in dining staff. “We should have known that students will do anything if it means they can also witness Michigan University football players crying all the way back to the worst state in the country,” he said. “Soon people will be begging to work in dining”
Muncemeat is correct that the number of football tickets reserved for student bribery is running out. Students interested in taking advantage of this unique opportunity should contact dining services as soon as they can.
Written by Sydney Ellis, Contributor