Soups and Salads – Each cup of soup comes with exactly one Saltine cracker. Old People Soup – Your grandpa seems to like it, but we certainly don’t know what it is. $2.99 Clam Chowder – Practically a bowl of… Continue Reading →
1. Put all of your roommates’ dishes and silverware onto the counter, spit on them, and exhale warmly on them to pretend that you are an industrial-strength dishwasher 2. Floss twice to scare future plaque away (so you won’t have… Continue Reading →
it’s thirsty thursday across the street bros gather getting real hammered all these khaki shorts salmon polos and new shoes douchebag’s uniform thumping bass echoes shaking the old thin walls so much autotune it is three thirty so please stop… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS – During the largest riot in Ohio State history, the chiefs at Kennedy Commons refused to prepare their signature dishes. The head cook leading the riot was quoted as saying, “We’re sick of the repetitive recipes and bland, spiceless… Continue Reading →
Ever since the dawn of time, man has competed with one another to see who is the best. Who is the strongest? Who is the smartest? Although some people compete in the Olympics or Jeopardy to determine this, there is… Continue Reading →
(Doug) Courtesy of Mr. Doug Friday, March 2, 2018: The bust of William Oxley Thompson is a staple at the front of Thompson library, but after years of wear and tear, the statue will be taken off display for refurbishment…. Continue Reading →
Dear Athletes: All your accomplishments are due to innovations in technology. Your work ethic has little to do with the fame and fortune you have earned with it. Your cleats, running shoes, cross country skis, bodysuits, and curling brooms are… Continue Reading →
INT. A COFFEE SHOP – DAY Various skinny, man-bunned, crop-top wearing people sit around in a coffee shop called Drip. Some type on their sticker-covered laptops, others fiddle with their phones and take pictures with their drinks. All four walls… Continue Reading →
Dear Mailman person, I’ve noticed lately how hard you work delivering the neighborhood’s mail and I just wanted to write you this letter to celebrate your effort. Day in and day out you work tirelessly to deliver the mail, regardless… Continue Reading →
eight in the morning financing and logistics and not precious sleep doctor leigh enters monotony incarnate wielding powerpoints here we go again more rambling about markets i would rather die read this business book because you need to know more… Continue Reading →
Ladies, are you tired of constantly fending off fuckboys and their uncreative pick-up lines? Men, are you tired of being fuckboys with uncreative pick-up lines? This year, avoid the messy hookups and get what you’re really looking for: a partner… Continue Reading →
I am unsure if Paul Simon realized, but his song “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” is misleading. Perhaps this was a simple typo and he meant to title the song “5 Ways to Leave Your Lover” as that’s all… Continue Reading →
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