This February love is in the air, and lovers are in your mutual living space! If you are one of the unfortunate souls who gets to watch your roommate be enthralled in the passion of a two-month-long relationship with the man whose Hinge profile you made fun of together, we have some tips on how to spend your time locked out of your room this upcoming Valentine’s Day.
1) Meet Your Neighbors!
Being forced out of your room is a great opportunity to finally meet the faces you vaguely recognize from your shared silent elevator rides down to the lobby. Those girls who always blast “Cotton Eye Joe” at 7pm? Yeah, they’re your new best friends.
2) Expand Your Palate!
As we are all abundantly aware, the cuisine here at Ohio State is world-class. How about taking this time as an excuse to explore all that dining services has to offer? Try something out of your comfort zone, like getting chicken tenders with barbeque sauce instead of your usual ketchup. And for those looking to change up their eating habits for the New Year, Scott Dining Hall provides plenty of options for those looking to take the ever-popular Raw Diet on a test drive. The possibilities are endless!
3) Finally Go to Your Professor’s Office Hours!
While those around you are finding love, you can rest easy knowing that you spent your college years productively. Who needs the warm embrace of another person when you could be staying in during the weekends to maintain a B- average? Your professor said they offered meetings by appointment, they should be able to accommodate for 11:30pm on a Wednesday. Or 2:30 on Thursday. Wait why are they fucking in the middle of the day? Whenever the mood is right, I suppose.
4) Watch Paint Dry!
There is nothing that can soothe your sexually frustrated nerves better than some time alone meditating on why you can’t seem to find anyone willing to love you. As part of OSU’s Counseling and Consultation Services accommodations, the near-constant construction all over campus ensures that you’re never more than a few feet from a freshly painted wall and/or banister that will help you find some tranquility.
5) Text Your Ex!
No, not the one who live-yik-yakked your breakup. But there’s gotta be more out there. Like for instance, you and Gregory from Mrs. Robinson’s Eighth Grade homeroom really hit it off. Whatever happened with that? Maybe we need to fuel this frustration into something productive like a one-sided situationship or an unpleasant one-night stand.
Written by Bridget McGuinness, Jack Reider, and Macayla Childs