COLUMBUS, OH – Outrage broke out earlier this week when officers of the Columbus Police Department recently waded into Mirror Lake and detained a duck with tiny handcuffs.
In a statement by Ohio State University’s chief spokesperson Ben Johnson, authorities were called when the bird began “quacking too loudly” during finals season, which was cited as being “disruptive to the function of the University.” The statement reads:
“The Duck very well exercised their first amendment rights for ten minutes Thursday evening and was then instructed to disperse. Well-established university rules prohibit quacking and swimming in Mirror Lake.”
Multiple witnesses expressed confusion and frustration over this act while two officers wrangled the duck to the ground and walked it to a nearby unmarked van.
“Doesn’t the duck live in this lake?” One witness asked. “Does a duck not have the right to quack in a place it lives? What about its ducklings?”
However, once the ducklings were mentioned, Sundial reporters watched twenty officers shuffle out of another unmarked van and wrangle the remaining five ducklings.
“University policy prohibits camping and requires a space reservation for gatherings,” Ben Johnson later stated, pointing toward a police officer carrying a sniper rifle and pepper balls.
“We have these rules in place to ensure that all students feel safe—and can study without disruption.”
Written by Vuole Ruotin