WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following backlash to all of his previous executive orders, Trump has signed a new executive order requesting everyone “be nice to him.” When asked about the new order, Trump added, “This job is haaaaaarrrd! And you guys keep saying all these mean things about me! Like reporting on the things I do and say! Like stahhhhhhhhhhp.” We asked Kellyanne Conway to comment on the decision behind it and she quotes, “Please, give us a break.” When asked about Americans calling his latest order “stupid” and “dumb,” he responded, “Oooooooh! I’m telling President Bannon on you!!” Trump could not add more on this, as it was time for his afternoon nap.