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Culture

How To Survive Being Jump Scared by Ted Carter

If you are anything like me, you have had the unfortunate pleasure of seeing Ohio State’s newest President, and human Teddy Bear, Walter “Ted” Carter on any of the OSU official social media platforms.  While Ted seems as though he… Continue Reading →

Ohio State Board of Trustees to Replace “Carmen Ohio” with “Only in Ohio” by CG5

Written by Jackson Bean As the Spring 2024 semester begins and many students are returning to class, the board of trustees is also returning to their duties with a very important matter: Ohio State’s “Carmen Ohio” school song. In a… Continue Reading →

The Clogged Sink

Written by Olivia Dearth Mayday! Mayday!The sink is clogged. But who could have done this?This terrible block?The disposal’s gone quiet, sink filling with water.Cheerios returning from the depths, soggy fodder.Maybe it was the cat food I poured into the water… Continue Reading →

Devil’s Advocate Smited by God

Written by Macayla Childs and Reilly Ackermann Earlier this week, God appeared in Derby Hall as sheinterfered in what can only be called the best case of divine intervention since OSU beat Notre Dame a few weeks back. While in the… Continue Reading →

Brain-Maxxing: The New Year’s Resolution Taking Campus by Storm

Written by Alex Kandakatla In an astonishing twist to New Year’s resolutions, students across campus have reportedly been partaking in a trend known as “brain-maxxing”, the latest trend in self-improvement. Trading in their swipes for ice picks and tiny hammers,… Continue Reading →

New Year’s Rockin’ Eve to be held at Ohio State

Written by Nellie Moore Following the recent success of ‘Light Up The Lake’,  The Ohio State University has announced the next upcoming event they plan to use to make America forget they just lost to Michigan.   For the first time… Continue Reading →

Ryan Day Announces Starting Quarterback for Cotton Bowl

Written by Sydney Katznelson After short-lived quarterback Kyle McCord’s transfer to Syracuse; Ryan Day and the Buckeyes scramble to find a new quarterback to fill his almost-new shoes. While scavenging through the transfer portal Day was able to strike gold… Continue Reading →

BREAKING: Santa is a hoe hoe hoe!

Written by Santa’s Elf Twas the night before Christmas when all through the town, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas would be there. … Continue Reading →

Virgin Accused of Being A Sex Addict After His Mother Finds 50 Condoms in His Backpack

Written by Sydney Katznelson As Craig wraps up his first semester at THE Ohio State University, he is faced with an…unusual circumstance. “At the beginning of the year I realized that I’m bisexual,” Craig stated, “so I began going to… Continue Reading →

These are the 10 Best Halloween Costume Ideas of the Year!

10) Midway Bouncer Bulging biceps complemented by a black t-shirt three sizes too small, a permanent scowl, and don’t forget the mandatory sunglasses! 9) Oval Abortion Protester Tinfoil hats, “Let’s Go Brandon” shirts, and comically large posters of “fetuses” that… Continue Reading →

Ohio State’s plan to convert the Ohio Union into a Spirit Halloween

By Emma Lambert This past Tuesday, acting president of The Ohio State University, Peter Mohler, and incoming president, Ted Carter Jr. have announced their joint decision to convert the Ohio Union into a Spirit Halloween just in time for the… Continue Reading →

ATTENTION SOPHOMORES: These are the Best Ways to Spend your STEP Money!

By Jordan Belfort Here are the five best Second-year Transformers Experience Program (STEP) project ideas!  5) Buy Scarlet and Gray hoodies for all the squirrels on campus What could be better than giving back to your community? Show your school… Continue Reading →

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