Written by Jackson Bean
As the Spring 2024 semester begins and many students are returning to class, the board of trustees is also returning to their duties with a very important matter: Ohio State’s “Carmen Ohio” school song. In a vote which occurred last Tuesday, the board voted in favor of replacing this century-old classic with a newer song today’s students can relate to more.
Ripley Mann, a proponent of this change, says, “You know it’s bad when this song has been playing since my youth! I am nearly 105 and it says a lot that many students know this song by heart, yet, I can’t help but believe there needs to be a change to coincide with the changes our state, nay, our country is undergoing!”
After hearing many candidates for what the new song could be, there was a particular standout among the group: CG5’s goofy ahh song, “Only in Ohio.”
Mann exclaims, “It was fresh, it was fantastic, everything a freshman loves about their memes and such!”
Many members of the board were excited to share this to the students of the university, however, some students were polled on this change to see if it would be approved of.
Student Jilliam Jillyorgenson said, “What the fuck? No! Nobody asked for this. CG5 ruins literally everything.” Another student, Charles George V, said, “Look, I know what the board is trying to do, they’re trying to stray attention from the five-hundred bonds worth in oil companies each member just bought, so honestly, I could not truly give a damn.”
Lastly, student Dolivia Earth said, “Catchy! I love me some skibidi toilet!” The board could truly not care less what the students have to say as per usual, so they will be rolling out this change later in the semester.
“We are excited to see what students will truly think of this change, and I myself am excited to buy some VBucks with these booming oil stocks!” Mann cheerfully stated.