Category

2023-24

Columbus Police Department Arrests Duck for Quacking in Mirror Lake

COLUMBUS, OH – Outrage broke out earlier this week when officers of the Columbus Police Department recently waded into Mirror Lake and detained a duck with tiny handcuffs. In a statement by Ohio State University’s chief spokesperson Ben Johnson, authorities… Continue Reading →

Sundial Exclusive: Official Ted Carter Correspondence on April 25th Protest

We at The Sundial have a deep respect for journalism, much like other news organizations on campus, such as The Lantern. This includes using “AP guidelines” to modify the word choice of testimonials when individuals misspeak or misrepresent current issues…. Continue Reading →

Match the real google review to the dining hall!

1) ★☆☆☆☆ “Avoid this place like you would Chernobyl. In fact, it is probably healthier for you to get radiation poisoning directly than to gradually develop it by eating the food here. The level of indigestion i have experienced from… Continue Reading →

President Carter Introduces New Debt-Free Tuition Plan

COLUMBUS, OH – Continuing the legacy of his predecessor at today’s press conference, Ohio State President Ted Carter spoke today to reporters his direct plan to encourage low-income Ohio students to seek out an often-expensive university degree. “We’re very glad… Continue Reading →

Top Five Worst Times to Find Out Study Rooms Aren’t Soundproof

1. After Ranting About Your Latest Breakup Picture this: You’ve sat down with your friends after class and begun spilling your guts about your ex-boyfriend. Sure, it lasted a weekend, but that isn’t the point. You’ve gone over every dirty… Continue Reading →

Freshman realizes Ohio State has Straight People after attending the Dancing With The Stars Tour

If you are like me, you have found yourself having many friends in the fruity community at The Ohio State University, so much so that despite the many Hydroflasks and Stanleys you have had to dodge while crossing the Oval… Continue Reading →

OSU Students Demand CABS Be Replaced with High-Speed Rail System

OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY – With the colder weather presenting itself earlier in the spring semester, a lot of students are hesitant to walk far distances. So, they are relying on the buses around campus, however, a particular group of students… Continue Reading →

Taylor Swift Album Announcement Awakens Hundreds of Hidden Superfans

On the evening of Sunday, February 4th, the world shook to its core at the announcement that singer-songwriter Taylor Swift would release her 11th studio album, The Tortured Poets Department. The Ohio State University was not spared from this frenzy,… Continue Reading →

Ohio State Divests Funding from Wi-Fi, Begins Training Carrier Squirrels

COLUMBUS, OHIO – A recent email from The Ohio State University early this morning has announced that funding will be divested from current wireless networks—osuwireless, eduroam and WIFI@OSU—which will be phased out on the Columbus campus by Feburary 1st. This… Continue Reading →

Students call for removal of Professor who might be the Ice King

COLUMBUS, OH – Two weeks since the great freeze that left dozens of OSU students trapped in comically large blocks of ice, students are rallying for the removal of Professor Simon Petrikov, who many students claim might be the Ice… Continue Reading →

Conservative Crusader SHOCKED that War With the “Woke Mob” Doesn’t Earn Him VA Benefits

Leaving even the most seasoned political experts bewildered, a self-proclaimed Conservative Crusader, Chad Evans, recently discovered that engaging in a battle against the elusive “Woke Mob” doesn’t make him a true veteran, a term he ironically called “too restricting and… Continue Reading →

Bird King Destroys Denney Hall

DENNEY HALL– The week before last, OSU English students were shocked to discover that Denney Hall was closed due to heating issues. Classes were canceled or moved online as the university scrambled to repair the building, whose issues seemed to… Continue Reading →

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