Written by Santa’s Elf
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the town, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of Brutus Buckeye danced in their heads; and Mama in her Victoria’s Secret Lingerie, and I in my cap, had just logged onto the Tinder App.
We swiped left and left, When suddenly we found a man with a hairy white chest; This St. Nick was not just jolly, he was also naughty!
Out of the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter; Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
It was time for our threesome to begin, would he be watching me? Would I be watching him? The missus threw on a robe to greet the guest, and I am more excited than I would have guessed.
Down from the chimney came St. Nick, with his abs of plenty and his — well you have an imagination— ; From there you know how it is, he got freaky, I got freaky, my wife got freaky, and afterwards we ate twinkies.
With tears in my eyes, Santa left from where he came, the wife and I would miss him, it was really such a shame; As I fixed myself a drink and started to grieve, our impromptu visitor said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be back next Christmas Eve”!