NORTH CAMPUS, COLUMBUS — Late last week, The Sundial received an anonymous tip from a first-year finance major who had recently pledged to Delta Sigma Pi, a top business fraternity within Fisher, that the Dean was planning to build a massive playground in the middle of the Fisher courtyard.
The freshman, who requested to go by the name of “Marcus Smithenstein” to protect his identity, told me that while walking to office hours in Fisher Hall, he overheard the Dean of Fisher stating the plans to build “…one of the largest jungle gyms the planet earth has ever seen”. The student was able to acquire pictures of the blueprints and I must say that I was quite impressed with the design.
The playground is set to feature 12 different slides, 8 swings, 12 seesaws and 5 balance beams. On top of that an 80-inch flat screen will be installed at the north side of the playground and it is set to play The Wolf of Wall Street on loop. On top of all of that, a giant sandbox will also be installed to help business students learn the values of “sharing” and “playing with others”.
The Fisher College of Business is buzzing with excitement and I was able to meet with many students to discuss their thoughts on the new addition. Third-Year Finance Student Donnie Azoff described to me the challenges of being a business major and how this addition will really help take the stress off.
“As everyone at Ohio State knows, business is full of some of the most difficult coursework available within the entire University. I am constantly pushed to the edge of my mental capacity trying to color within the lines in my Coloring 1200 class.”
“On top of that,” he continues, “Shapes 2700 has been quite difficult this semester. I got an 83 on the last test, but the class average was a 67. Trying to identify the different shapes is very difficult and quite frankly these professors need to cut down the workload. However, I believe that the addition of a playground will really help us with our anxiety in the classroom. A common space to hangout with my fellow business majors is just what Fisher needed.”
First-Year Marketing major Nicky Koskoff had a similar opinion.
“I’m sick of being stuck in my room every night while all of my STEM major friends are out partying. I knew that marketing would be difficult, but I didn’t anticipate struggling this much!”
“This playground really gives me a chance to network with other business students and learn how to slide and swing before my ‘Business Basics’ class next semester. I can tell that this is going to be a great addition and I cannot wait to see what colors they pick for the design.”
With the leak out and Fisher in a frenzy, the Dean is set to announce the plans in the coming days, it is speculated that the grand announcement will take place in the Fisher courtyard on October 30, with an extra credit costume party to follow. Representatives from Buckeye Consulting noted that they hope that there will be a competitive application process on who will get to ride the slide first.
There is also have reason to believe that Northwestern Mutual will be in attendance with offers ready for any student that is willing to trick their family and friends into a ponzi scheme.
Written by Rusty McDeuce, Contributor