On October 15th, 2024, The Ohio State University was blessed with the presence of presidential candidate, multimillionaire, and famous rapper (alter ego, Da Vek) Vivek Ramaswamy in part of Turning Point USA’s “You are being brainwashed tour.” This event boasted the presence of some Ohio state students, but really drew in the crowds of a multitude of middle aged men that lined the Ohio Union.
The latter half of the Toilet Paper USA discussion was a Q and A with Vivek Ramaswamy. That day students witnessed a level of dick riding that would make your penis explode. Each guest questionnaire would do tricks on it, and one even lovingly brought up Vivek’s past of rapping and his covers of Eminem. Another claimed that he wanted to have Ramasay’s children despite believing that being gay is worse than murder, and said he’d make an exception for Ramaswamy.
During the Tummy Pains USA Q and A event, Ramaswamy was seen talking to astral projections that only he could see. When a student asked a question, he often responded to an entirely different question that could only have been asked by the other higher beings in the room. These conversations often lasted several minutes, discussing the importance of the American spirit.
As Tuberculosis USA continue their journey across America, I will find the importance of the American Spirit by smoking a pack of them a day as to honor the American heritage.
Written by Karlie Chirk