ENARSON CLASSROOM BUILDING–As syllabus week comes and goes, Student Health Services must conquer a prominent threat to student safety. Entering the spring semester, many freshmen find themselves having classes in Enarson Classroom building, but unfortunately become lost in its labyrinthian halls for days on end.
Student Health Services were first alerted by custodial workers when they saw 15-20 freshmen pacing the halls staring at their Ohio State app around 3 am on Monday. Darting in and out of view, freshmen were seen muttering room numbers to themselves, walking in circles, and running up and down the stairwells. A panicked freshman was heard crying out, “PLEASE HELP US! ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY! I CAN’T RISK MY PARTICIPATION POINTS!”
In response to this crisis, Student Health Services installed large water bottles hanging from the ceiling and slow feeders for enrichment during students’ accidental imprisonment at Enarson. It is also rumored that there is a breadcrumb trail for them to follow, but it’s believed to lead to an evil witch’s cauldron and not English 1100.
Student Health Services were asked to comment on their approach to this crisis. When asked why they would not simply lead the freshmen out of the halls, they responded: “Ohio State is a research-based university and this is a once in a lifetime research opportunity for us all.”
Now that freshmen have been lost for days, Student Health Services have handed over the problem to the Psychology department to support OSU’s commitment to authentic learning experiences. The class of 2027 is now known as the Lost Souls of Enarson.
Written by Bridget “Where is this building?” McGuinness