SOUTH CAMPUS–After the bitter cold on Tuesday morning, one can only marvel in the tenacity of OSU students and their commitment to braving the weather and making it to their classes. Even if it’s because they get 2 excused absences from their lecture and need to save them for spring break.
Buckeyes donned their heaviest winter gear to make the trek to class: hats, gloves, thermal g-strings, and even scarves. One student, however, forgot to cover one portion of her body: her mouth. After taking a sip of her Celsius she’d poured into her Stanley, an anonymous student got her lips stuck completely to the straw.
“Yeah so she got a new Stanley for Christmas–You know the new one everyone was lining up outside of Target for. But she prefers to use metal straws after she bought a bunch a few years ago when she found out about what plastic ones do to sea turtles.” stated her friend, Stella Annie.
“The straws are super old though. The rubber bit has come off and gotten a bit rusty so we all assumed she’d just end up with tetanus eventually. We never thought she’d get her mouth stuck to it–She’s like that weird kid in that one movie,” her friend concluded.
The student missed the tetanus train! However, that’d honestly be less embarrassing to have happen.
When asked to comment on the matter, the student replied “Oshsahwhsagfgasgahs.” We’re not sure what she said, as she’s still stuck to the straw, but one can only assume that she is warning others about this issue. Way to use a platform!
Written by Holden Klym