Mark sat in his recliner in front of the Christmas Tree; a glowing reminder that his favorite Holiday was now over. He was munching on the stale remainder of his Christmas cookies; yet another indication that soon all of the decorations would have to come down.
Rubbing his eyes and letting out a long sigh, he stood up and glanced at the star sitting atop his douglas fir. Gathering his inner strength and furrowing his brow like a man who knows what must be done, he knelt down and reached towards the outlet.
Without warning, a flash of light engulfed the room and smoke began to billow up from the floor. Mark gasped out a swear as he fell backwards onto his recliner, blinking at the suddenly blinding light of the Christmas Tree.
“Mark Ebene!” exclaimed an otherworldly voice from the fog, “We have come to help you in your time of need!”
“That’s right!” exclaimed a second otherworldly voice (from the fog), “We’re here to help you and stuff!”
A gust of wind passed through Mark’s sitting room, dissipating the smoke to reveal two small figures; standing magically at the room’s center.
“I’m Lauren!”
“And I’m Aliyah!”
“And we’re the post-Christmas-Day Fairies!” they yelled in unison.
“AHHHHHHH!” said Mark
Mark continued to say this as he ran for the door, only to find it jammed shut, with no other exits. Lauren and Aliyah, the post-Christmas-Day Fairies, tried to settle him down by screaming that he should do that while flying after him on their tiny little fairy wings. This, however, did not settle Mark, and he continued to say “AHHHHH!” quite forcefully while running away from the sprites who had wondrously appeared in his apartment. This went on for several minutes until Aliyah finally managed to earn Mark’s trust by bashing him across the head with an empty bottle of sparkling grape juice.
Several hours later, Mark awoke back in his recliner, the post-Christmas-Day fairies flitting about his apartment, making all manner of magic. When Lauren noticed he had awoken, she flew over to him.
“Please don’t be afraid!” she said, “We’re not really all that scary or dangerous! We’re here to bring post-yuletide cheer to those in need, and we could sense with our fairy magic that you were feeling kind of glum this post-holiday season.”
“Well, yeah.” said a skeptical Mark, “I always feel that way after Christmas. Wait…I’m 28 years old. Where have you two been before?”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Aliyah, joining her sister, “Are you used to having miracles happen to you every year? Should we just ignore the other 7 billion humans on this planet and focus annually on Mark Ebene of Akron, Ohio?”
“Umm no,” stuttered Mark, “sorry, I didn’t know – I just haven’t heard -”
“Alright, alright,” cut-in Lauren, “let’s not get off on the wrong foot here. I’m sure Aliyah is just stressed in this post-Christmas season -”
“Wanker.”
“Aliyah! Come on! Mark, Santa made us a part of his team a few decades back when he realized how down-in-the-dumps some people can get when the joy of Christmas passes by. Honestly, we’re still getting the hang of it, so bear with us, but we’ll do anything within our power to make your days after Christmas what you always imagined they would be!”
“Wow, alright. I could definitely use some help around the house. Will you guys help me take down the Christmas lights?”
“Taking down the Christmas lights is our middle name!” shouted Lauren enthusiastically.
“Lauren, would you stop telling people that! It’s embarrassing!”
Then the fairies began laughing to themselves and couldn’t be disturbed for about a half-hour. When finally their endless guffaws died down into intermittent chuckles, a frustrated Mark, with their help, began taking lights down off the tree.
“So here’s the system,” he began, “as I take them off I make sure there aren’t any burnt out so I won’t have to deal with that next year. Then, I carefully place them in their boxes like -”
“All done!” The post-Christmas-Day fairies exclaimed.
“What?!” exclaimed Mark, looking at the bare tree, “You’re finished? How did you do it all so fast?”
“Fairy Magic!” said Aliyah, wiggling her tiny fingers.
“…wait. Are those my lights over there, torn off the tree, crumpled into a ball, and literally thrown into the first box you saw?”
And so they were.
“Oh, yeah, sorry, we were almost done by the time you started saying how you like to do stuff, so we just sort of finished up.” said Lauren
“You have to admit,” said Aliyah, “we did that pretty quick, even if we didn’t follow your instructions. Faster than a human could I bet.”
“We’re magic.” said Lauren.
“Alright, alright!” said Mark, “Well, I need to return some gifts. Can you guys take me to the store?”
“There’s no need!” shouted Aliyah, “We can use our powers and make your returns from right here!”
“It’ll be gleat!” shouted Lauren
“Did you just mean to say ‘gReat’?” asked Aliyah through muffled laughter.
Another half-hour later, when the incomprehensible jokes and unrestrained laughter came to a close, Mark was nearing the end of his rope.
“Look, are you guys going to help me make my returns or what?! I could have been done with everything by now!”
“Hold on to your horses, big fella. Go get the stuff you want to return.” Lauren chided, wiping a tear from her eye.
Mark returned several moments later with a couple gifts.
“This first one is from Kohls. I like the shirt, but my grandparents always forget my size, so it doesn’t fit.”
“Say no more!” said Aliyah, and in a puff of smoke, the shirt had vanished.
“So what now?” asked Mark through a cough, waving his hand to dissipate the smoke.
“…what do you mean?”
“Well, does it like reappear in my size or something?”
“Ohhhhhh, sorry, we didn’t know you wanted to get another one so we just teleported it back to Kohls and….uh….yeah, that’s what we did.”
Through gritted teeth, Mark growled back: “….so, you thought I just wanted to throw away my grandparent’s gift. Your logic is that it didn’t fit me so I just wanted it gone and out of my life, am I understanding you?”
“Look, you really should have told us exactly what you wanted.” said Lauren, “Like we said, we’re beginners at this. You’ve got something else there?”
Making a conscious effort of faith, Mark held up an envelope, “Yes. My parents bought me a night’s stay at a hotel in Hocking Hills, where we used to go when I was a kid. My allergies are worse now though, and it’s really not pleasant for me when I go up there anymore, so I was going to trade it in. Can you do that? It will save me a lot of trouble.”
“Absolutely we can!”
“Now, to be clear: I don’t just want to get rid of this. I need something back. I want something in return. Do you understand?”
“Perfectly.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Alright, then, do your thing.”
And, in a puff of smoke, the envelope had vanished, and, a moment later, was replaced by another.
“Oh thank God!” Mark exclaimed, “Thank you two for doing that. How much was the night worth?” he asked while poking around inside the envelope.
“About $100!” Said Lauren.
“Yeah, thanks to our magic, we were able to exchange your night’s stay for Marriott-credit, redeemable at any Marriott hotel in The Hocking Hills Area!”
“GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW!!” Screamed Mark as he pushed the fairies towards his front door.
“Well, I never! Such bad manners!” harumphed Aliyah as she was corralled out of the room.
“And he didn’t even get a chance to see our final post-Christmas-Day miracle!” Agreed Lauren, now hovering on Mark’s doorstep.
Mark and the fairies made awkward eye contact for several seconds while Mark angrily wondered whether he should take his chance on yet another mite of post-Christmas-Day magic.
“…….what is it?”
“Your mother is dead!”
Mark slammed the door.
Shortly thereafter, the fire alarm was triggered by the excess magical smoke still swirling in the room.
Happy Post-Christmas-Day Everyone!
-Collin Gossel, Editor-In-Chief