Local cool dad, Dave Smith, uses swag juice to polish New Balances for a “night out” with the office. “Holy foot, Sharon put way too much mayonnaise on my sandwich this morning,” said Dave Smith. Dave Smith was looking to get away from the wife and kids to have conversations about business and taxes with Doug from Marketing. Doug from Marketing says, “at least your New Balances are looking fresh.” And they fucked the whole night through.

– Mare Smythii, Maddie Gottfried, and Eli Gardner, Staff Members; RG Barton, Senior Staff Member