How to get laid if you’re a Guy:
Step 1) Learn to Moonwalk. It’s probably the sexiest dance move of all time. Just imagine Moonwalking across the Midway dancefloor; no girl (or guy!) will be able to say no to a night with you.
Step 2) Wear an Andrew Tate t-shirt everywhere you go. Be sure to constantly quote the Top G during conversations and in pick-up lines, or this won’t work.
Step 3) Practice makes perfect! There are plenty of trees on the Oval that are always ready for a good time.
Step 4) Cash out your Dining Dollars and buy Buckeye merch. Everyone knows chicks can’t resist a guy who wears Scarlet and Gray.
Step 5) Stand on the Oval with a sign begging someone to hook up with you. The closer you stand to the abortion protestors, the more likely you are to succeed.
How to get laid if you’re a Gal:
Simply exist and you will have no trouble at all.
How to get laid if you’re Non-binary:
The Sundial supports people of all gender identities! If you do not identify as male or female, we advise you not to worry – just be yourself, and you’ll be sure to meet someone who likes you just the way you are!
Written by People’s Sexiest Man Alive