With Finals week fast approaching, it’s time to make the most of your campus coffee order. We sat down with the Sundial’s resident barista to curate our top picks to get you through finals week.

The Cumulative Exam:

For this drink, order an iced latte and ask for any and all of these seasonal syrups to be included.

  • pumpkin spice
  • peppermint
  • pistachio
  • irish creme
  • lavender

The more flavors you get, the more you’ll remember from the beginning of the semester for your Econ final!

The Insufferable One:

Order one espresso shot, black, and sip loudly at your cafe of choice. Brag loudly that you’re the only person you know who drinks espresso like this. The goal here is that you’ll become more pretentious than [redacted professor name], and hopefully beat them at their own game.

The Cat:

Order a 16oz cup of milk (no straw) and a Hot Honey ham and swiss croissant. When they give you your food, make sure to carry the bag with your teeth and tear the sandwich apart in a similar fashion. Feel free to drop some of the ham on the floor, take little bites out of it, or lick it inquisitively. I don’t need to tell you how to drink the milk (hands free). This meal will make you feel as calm and commanding as any common housecat.

The Food Service Worker

Order an everything bagel with peanut butter as a spread. In the order notes, request that your barista punches the bagel into the counter before handing it off to you. This meal was created to honor the struggles of food service workers everywhere and allow them an outlet to vent their frustrations. The peanut butter represents how sometimes the customer, contrary to popular belief, does not know best.

Remember, all campus baristas have already been made aware that these drinks exist and have memorized the recipes. If your barista acts like they don’t know what you’re talking about, keep pressing until they give in. They’re only making these drinks for ‘real ones’, so fight for your honor and enjoy a delicious, curated beverage from one of Columbus’ most okay coffee chains.

Written by Olivia Dearth, Campus Barista