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National

Charlie Kirk and TPUSA Endorse The Sundial

In a surprising move on Wednesday, conservative activist Charlie Kirk and The Ohio State University’s chapter of Turning Point USA (TPUSA) have endorsed The Sundial as their go-to outlet for news. Rejecting more mainstream conservative media outlets such as Fox… Continue Reading →

Whatever You Do, Don’t Sign Up for the Charlie Kirk Event and Forget to Show Up

OHIO STATE, COLUMBUS – Organized by the Ohio State Chapter of Turning Point USA, conservative pundit Charlie Kirk will be coming to campus on March 22, 2023 to absolutely own the libs with some TikTok content.  The Sundial wants to… Continue Reading →

NOAA: Meteorology Hoax Has Gone on Long Enough

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration finally came clean last week, admitting meteorology was invented as a social experiment designed to test the limits of what humans would believe. Marshall Thurmond, a 30-year veteran at the NOAA, expressed profound disappointment… Continue Reading →

If You Kiss Your Partner in Public, I Will Punch You in the Throat

I swear to fucking god, if I see anyone kissing their significant others this Valentine’s Day, I will punch them in the fucking throat. It isn’t because I don’t have a girlfriend; I don’t need one, I’m an alpha-male. Depictions… Continue Reading →

5 Things I Can Do That LeBron James Can’t

So LeBron James broke the NBA regular season scoring record last night, breaking a record that stood for 39 years. Big whoop. Anyone can do that. Especially me. Actually you know what? He’s not that special. “Just a Kid From… Continue Reading →

Schools Prepare to Play Game or Something

Students across Ann Arbor and Ohio are excitedly gearing up for a rivalry basketball game that sources confirm will be “happening.” The University of Michigan and Ohio State University are excitingly preparing to duel on the court in a game… Continue Reading →

Groundhog Refuses to Check Shadow Until BeReal Goes Off

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA – The Punxsutawney Groundhog Club woke up to a disappointment this morning when they realized the namesake Punxsutawney Phil was not going to come out of his hole. When asked, club president and official groundhog translator, Tom Dunkel,… Continue Reading →

Ohio State University Announces Bid to Host 2030 FIFA World Cup

Earlier this week, Interim President Brutus Buckeye announced that the university would be making a bid to host the 2030 FIFA World Cup. If chosen, Ohio State would be the first-ever university to host the World Cup. “2030 may seem… Continue Reading →

Brutus Buckeye Announces Sale of NFT Trading Cards

Just hours after teasing a major announcement on his Truth Social account, Ohio State’s loveable mascot Brutus has announced a line of digital trading cards set to be released to the public. The post was accompanied by an embed video… Continue Reading →

Students Protest after Biden says he will “send Ohioans” to fight Russia

Following Congress’ formal declaration of war against Russia earlier this week, President Biden announced that he would be deploying ten thousand troops from the Ohio National Guard to Ukraine’s Donbas region. The action was condemned by the United Nations, which… Continue Reading →

Buckeye Alert Notifies Students that Queen Elizabeth II Has Passed

COLUMBUS, OH — At 3:14 AM late last night, students at The Ohio State University received a notification that Queen Elizabeth II had died in Scotland. “Buckeye Alert – Columbus Campus, Queen Elizabeth has passed,” the message read. “International Students… Continue Reading →

NCAA Records Show NO Proof That George Santos Played QB During 2010 Ohio State Season

According to a recent article from ESPN, newly elected representative George Santos (R-NY), did not in fact play quarterback for Ohio State during the 2010-11 football season. Suspicions surrounding the claim came after Santos’ remarks during an interview with former… Continue Reading →

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