So LeBron James broke the NBA regular season scoring record last night, breaking a record that stood for 39 years. Big whoop. Anyone can do that. Especially me. Actually you know what? He’s not that special. “Just a Kid From Akron” my ass! I’m just a kid from Granville! Here’s 5 things I can do that LeFraud can’t.

Play hide and seek

LeBron stands at 6’9 and 250 pounds of pure muscle. Well, can all of that muscle squeeze behind the love seat in my parents’ bedroom? Nope! Not shot! I can weasel my way into the tiniest crevices known to man because of my slender 6’3 frame. I’m like a snake but not Kevin Durant! LeToobigtohide wishes he could be the two time Ohio State Hide and Seek Champion (2x Finals MVP too by the way and Hider of The Year 2022).

Win a Championship Without Forming a Superteam

LeBron has had All-Star caliber teammates on all of his championship teams. From DWade and Chris Bosh, to Kyrie and Kevin Love, and even AD. Well, when I won my fifth grade basketball championship, I had none of those guys. I had George, Aidan, and Dylan, all good guys but definitely not All-Star, not even benchwarmers, for the NBA. We won that through teamwork and determination. I even averaged 2.3 points per game, 4.2 rebounds, and 0.4 assists throughout the season. I would like to see Mr. 4 for 10 put numbers up like that!

Have a Great Relationship with Skip Bayless

Skip Bayless liked my tweet once and he is THE LeBron hater. So by using logic here, Skip Bayless likes me more than LeBron James. Sorry not sorry Bron.

Go to College

The NBA created the one-and-done rule in 2005, a rule stating that all NBA players have to be 19 by the end of their draft year. Because LeBron was drafted in 2003, he never went to college to play ball. Well guess who did go to college? Me! Not to play ball but to study film! That’s right LeBron, you’re making $44 million this year and I’m paying $30k a year to not watch movies that I am assigned! Another win for ol’ J-Dawg!

Write an article for The Sundial

All I’m saying is that I have never seen LeIlliterate do anything for The Sundial. In fact, I don’t think I have seen him write anything at all! 5 points Julian, 38,390 and counting LeBron.

Written by Julian Rodgers, Secretary