In a shocking departure from the 4-year University path that alumni of your prestigious high school typically take on, Senior Benjamin O’Conner is going to play hockey for The Youngstown Phantoms for the next 2 years.
The Youngstown Phantoms are allegedly an amateur hockey league for teens, a “college” that hockey players go to before they go to actual college? I think? But it’s not actually college because all they do is play hockey? Do they get paid??? Nobody knows and it’s driving the collective suburban conscious absolutely berserk.
“His choice is a real head-scratcher because nobody knows how to judge him,” claims Meghan Stewart, a Junior at Oak Creek High and a future student at a Public State School, the most acute judges of other students collegiate decisions. “Is he training for the NHL? The NCAA? Is he a talentless freeloader wasting his time and his life, worthy of absolute scorn and disgust? I better figure it out quickly. Otherwise, it might be harder for me to claim notoriety for my association with him at sports bars in 10 years.”
At press time, O’Conner is sitting in Calculus, zoned out and wondering why anyone would go straight to Ohio State without knowing what they want to do with their life.
Written by Emmy Pratt, Co-President