Recently, Ohio State University President Kristina M. Johnson resigned due to unknown circumstances. Since then the student body of OSU has been dying to know who the next President of OSU will be. My vote goes to the scarily known principal of William McKinley high school in Lima, Ohio.
Who is Sue Sylvester?
Sue Sylvester has many accomplishments such as U.S. Vice President, Coach of the Cheerios, abolishing Glee Club, and is currently running for U.S. President. She has her Ph.D. and is an advocate for people with Down syndrome. Along with her wife, Sue Sylvester will work to make OSU a safe space for all.
Why is Sue the Best Candidate for President?
There are a million reasons why Sue should be President, so here are the top 5:
- Sue loves the great state of Ohio
Born and raised in Ohio, Sue chose to stay here and is proud of her Ohio roots. Although she is used to small suburban towns, Sue is happy to adjust to the hustle and bustle of Columbus.
- She will get rid of our men’s Glee club
There is nothing more annoying than Glee Clubs. Sue has vowed to cut funding from both men’s and women’s glee clubs, but since the women’s club has no funding they will probably land right on their feet. Sorry boys.
- She is an ally
Sue is a firm believer that she knows exactly everyone’s identity, and she is not afraid to tell you! One time she approached me in the Oval and told me that I’m Jewish, I haven’t even thought about Jesus since then!
- No straight woman can run OSU, we NEED another blonde lesbian
Since OSU is a big football school we can’t just have any white woman run our school, she must be lesbian! Lesbians are twice as likely to understand the epic highs and lows of college football (and that’s a fact).
- She will give more money to the football team
Since Sue loves football so much she has decided to give all of the men’s Glee Club’s money to them! It isn’t a lot, just enough to give Ryan Day the motivation to win a playoff game.
Written by Sydney Katznelson