As the temps hit 70°F and higher, and your local environmental enthusiast (yours truly included) starts to discuss how it’s another “hottest month on record,” Oval Beach becomes the hottest spot to hang out during finals season. This time of year doesn’t just increase serotonin and encourage lackluster, rushed essays; it also naturally inspires the seasonal round of complimentary emails and DMs to The Sundial–your beloved campus humor magazine.

Getting compliments for providing a service on campus is certainly honorable, none of us can deny that, and we will graciously accept any validation (we need it to survive). But we serve you, our audience, not just because we are insufferable in thinking we’re funny, but because you deserve a break from the melancholic, dazed state of being a college student with real responsibilities.
Some of the gracious messages, however, are… notable to say the least. So, in doing what we do best we compiled some of the best compliments or otherwise noteworthy regards that we’ve received recently!

“I stopped buying rose-colored glasses to maintain my long-distance, Discord-dependent relationship because of getting into your content! Reading Ted and Brutus’s love story put things into perspective… Thank you!” – anonymous, 1st Year

You’re very welcome! Although, feel free to write about your experience with that relationship any time… we’d love for you to profit from it.

“Ayo, you guys once had Stephen King in your club? Sickkkk” – anonymous, 5th Year

No… it was R.L. Stine but I respect the energy.

“How dareth thee taint modern literacy with your barren attempts at humor? Ye jest and yet I dare not chuckle lest I lower mine own standards” – a random 45-year-old man who cosplays in his spare time.

Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

“When the mud pie parfait shortage occurred last spring, I didn’t know how I’d cope… but alas, you were right there with me, mourning the delicacy. I felt truly seen in that vulnerable state.” – anonymous, ‘23 Graduate

We’re glad to be a pillar of strength in such trying times. The Mud Pie Parfait Shortage tested us all… but we pulled through together as Buckeyes. O-H!

“THIS IS WOKE PROPAGANDA” – Former Editor in Chief, Henry Levenberg

It’s time to go back to bed now, grandpa.

“Great articles, although I do wonder if the club could benefit from spicier content. Attached are a few files showcasing stories I’ve been working on. Hope you guys can publish them!” – anonymous (we don’t even know how they got our email)

Rule 34 has no place in our current content… sorry, not sorry. Better luck next time!

There’s truly no shortage of interesting compliments or otherwise suggestive comments that we receive, as you can see. We couldn’t practically post all of them… or could we? However, we end by thanking you, our readers. We hope that we may continue to light your way through the dark tunnel that is finals season.

xoxo, Yours Truly

Written by Presley Orndorff