We all know him; we all love him. Mike Bloomberg 2020. What if I told you that Mike Bloomberg, the wealthy former mayor of NYC, is the center of a HUGE CONTROVERSY– one that would SINK his UNSINKABLE campaign??

We all know of the unprecedented American tragedy affiliated with New York City. 

And while some people soil it by making movies about it, it’s still very tender to our hearts.

THE SINKING OF THE RMS Titanic

Fact: The Titanic cost $7.5 million to build. 

Fact: Mike Bloomberg is currently the 12th richest person in the world. The Only person who could have bought the Titanic would have been Bloomberg.

Fact: The Titanic originally was designed to carry 64 lifeboats.

Fact: Mike Bloomberg has been accused of sexual harassment by 64 women. And has 64 billion dollars.

Fact: The cost of the most expensive First-Class Parlor ticket to New York was $4,350 — about $69,600 today.

Fact: Again, who had that amount of money? Bloomberg

Fact: The infamous iceberg was about 100 feet tall.

Fact: So are some of the buildings in NYC.

Fact: 3,500 bags of mail were lost when the Titanic sunk.

Fact: The New York City Post Office lost 3,500 bags of mail in the month of April in 2012. This is the 100-year anniversary of the month of the Titanic’s famous wreck. (Source: The Internet, duh)

Fact: Only 306 bodies of Titanic passengers were recovered.

Fact: There are 206 bones in the average human body. However, Bloomberg is so rich, he has an extra 100 bones in his body. 306 = 306! Coincidence? NO.

Fact: The New York Times devoted 75 pages to coverage of the Titanic in the first week after the sinking. 

Fact: The NEW YORK TIMES. NEW YORK, NEW YORK. It may have been Sinatra, but we KNOW it was Bloomberg. For sure

His name is Michael… Rubens… Bloom… BERG. Ice BERG. HE WAS THE ICEBERG

Now, while my argument is completely unsinkable, some people may point out that since BloomBERG was born on February 14th, 1942, how could he have been alive to sink the titanic???

The answer is obvious. Time travel.

People say it’s impossible. But BloomBERG can do the impossible. 

Who can fund time travel?

Have enough stop and frisk victims to do human testing on?

Hide it in a subway system?

Have a big enough power grid to handle the spike required to run the time travel machine?

Use the accounts of all the Instagram influencers who discovered the machine and were promptly killed, to make memes about BloomBERG in an attempt to cover up the truth?

Michael BloomBERG!

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. I have absolutely and completely proven, using complete FACTS, that Mike BloomBERG did the Titanic. Major news media outlets won’t report this because they are all FAKE NEWS, not because this is a bunch of utter nonsense. Don’t let BloomBERG get away with this. Stay woke. Spread the truth. 

Written by Idris Malik, Staff Writer