The dunce cap — the universal symbol of stupidity, the widely recognized signifier of shameful unintelligence, the preferred head apparel of idiots everywhere. The image of a brainless nobody in a tall, pointy hat has long been mocked and criticized by so-called ‘intellectuals’. Many consider dunce caps to be some of the worst, if not the worst, things you could put on your head. But are they?
It’s time that we, as a society, face the facts. Dunce caps are sexy.
I know that this may seem ‘controversial’, ‘edgy’, or ‘completely unfounded’, but I’m not afraid to speak truth to power. Big Intelligence has been an oppressive force to all of us dumb-dumbs for far too long. So long, in fact, that we have lost sight of the fact that our stupidity and imbecilic tendencies are not something to be mocked. They should be celebrated.
Look, the fact that some people are stupid…that’s hot. I cannot stress enough how attractive the mere concept of idiocy is. Dunce caps publicly indicate the foolishness of the wearer, reminding the observer of the existence of dumb people. The act of wearing a dunce cap is inherently a provocation, a seduction in which the wearer becomes representative of a return to the pre-intellectual roots and rules of attraction we all subconsciously crave. No one loves better than an idiot, if only because they cannot overthink the concept of love. To wear a dunce cap, to take on the social role of the dunce, is to submit to the vulnerability of being labeled stupid without a single care of how others will perceive you. That’s some alpha shit right there.
Moreover, the dunce cap wearer, when they don the cap, becomes a form of representation for those of us with what scientists call “the stupid gene”. To see oneself represented clearly, accurately, and unashamed is incredibly affirming and therefore, stupid hot. Ha, get it? Stupid hot. I see myself reflected in the dunce cap and find myself yearning for the ability to publicly announce my idiocy, freeing myself from the confines of my sexual facade. I’m tired of pretending to be smart just to get people to like me. I am sick of having to know what a “video game” is in order to be loved. Men only want one thing and apparently it’s intelligence. I shouldn’t have to put on a disguise to be appealing. I should be able to be myself, dumb as a bag of bricks, and still get a date.
And yet, admitting to stupidity is still considered taboo in even the lowest echelons of society. It is necessary, then, to pretend to have knowledge in order to survive. I myself have been in a number of situations in which I was required to simulate knowledge of useless subjects such as history, philosophy, and mathematics out of fear of ostracization. Friends and family have complimented my intelligence, unaware of its fictitious nature. The weight of hiding my true self has taken its toll. The only solution is liberation. The dunce cap giveth freedom, and likewise taketh away fear.
I put the dunce cap on in front of the mirror. I have never loved myself until this moment. The dunce cap is sexy. I am sexy. I am stupid. I am the dunce, I wear the cap, and I am hot.
Written by Francesca Varga, Social Media Officer