Why were you so mean to me back then? I was new at school, and I needed friends. I came up to you all nervous, just wanting to chat, and you made fun of my stutter and took my lunch money, starting a string of tormenting from you that lasted through all of my high school years. That hurt, man. What did I do to deserve that from you? Do you know what the worst part was? I would have just given it to you if you asked. I never struggled with money, I wouldn’t have even asked for it back.
It was so long ago, but I remember everything so well. Do you remember prom? I was so proud of my tuxedo and little dance moves, but you came and gave me an ass-splitting wedgie right in the middle of the floor. Fergalicious was playing and nobody cared, they were all laughing at me, it was humiliating! Speaking of which, do you remember Alicia? Just when I thought she might actually like me, you went and told her that I had ligma. What even is ligma? Never mind, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I’m just upset that I missed out on what could have been a fulfilling relationship because of a span of tormenting that started with you stealing lunch money that I would have given you anyway.
Honestly, fuck you for everything back then, man. I spent so much time trying to rationalize everything you did. I spent years and years trying to find some good in you, but you helped me realize some people are just dicks. I guess I should be thanking you, then. After all, if I spent all my time trying to find the good in everybody, I’d probably have a harder time standing up for myself. I wanted friends when I first moved to Grandview High, but I’m glad I met you first. Thanks for teaching me to not waste my kindness or my lunch money on someone who won’t appreciate it. Thanks for being a dick.
Written by Zach Levy, Treasurer