Last semester was cut short due to the COVID-19 public health emergency. University students and faculty alike were thrown into an unprecedented situation, involving online instruction over the Zoom video meeting platform. However, the greatest grief felt due to the global pandemic was definitely the stress regarding the soul-crushing task of selecting which virtual background to use on Zoom calls. It is, therefore, our duty as a community to collectively prepare for the worst…so here are the best backgrounds we could find:

1. The South Pole:

Icebergs are melting. Polar bears are antsier now that the coca-cola shipments aren’t being filled. Penguins are still cute, though.

2. The Numbers Garden:

English professors can’t do math. It’s part of the screening process at OSU. The thought of it scares them. They’ll kick you out of lecture faster than you can reach for your paperback copy of The 101 Dalmatians. You’ll save 3 seconds. Trust me, they add up (but they don’t).

3. Jessica’s back yard: 

I just don’t know what went wrong. I thought we had made an everlasting soul bond. Those were the happiest days of my life. I can’t believe she decided to have cereal with another man. Captain Crunch was Our Thing. I raged, naturally, and she pushed me away. I was devastated for weeks. Until Jessica said, “Oops, I’ll Berry the hatchet”. I spend full moons there now, lots of shade.

4. Brutus buckeye with a face mask:

We all believed in masked Brutus. He protected us. The council decided otherwise. They refused to embrace his love. Some of us remain steadfast in our devotion. We continue dumping hand sanitizer in Mirror Lake. The virus doesn’t stand a chance.

5. The oval at mid-afternoon:

A citrus cloud hovers behind Thompson Library. A couple streaks across the brick path. Protestants with paper signs blockade the center. A professor hushes and strips into leaves. Frisbees are blown and caught. Someone’s seeing-eye frog gets off its leash. A hungover student writes a Sundial Article using his clone’s text-to-speech.

6. Buckeye Grove:

The leaves are pretty. 

Written By Idris Malik, Social Media Officer