Well, you’ve made it through finals. But unless you’re one of the lucky graduating few, you’ve got a whole new semester coming up, and with it, the cruelest invention of academia since nails on the blackboard — the discussion post. That’s right, there’s going to be more of them. We here at The Sundial know that the first step to becoming a successful scholar is looking like one, which is why we’ve compiled the top four sweater vests to wear next semester that will make you look smart, but won’t make you any better at writing discussion posts.
1. This sweater vest is academic, but not in the way you thought it would be when you got it on Etsy. Instead of finishing your discussion post that’s due at midnight, you’ll be lying around a picnic blanket on the Oval loudly quoting Nietzsche to a group of bored co-eds like you’re in a Vampire Weekend music video.
2. This sweater vest is a real trickster, I’ll tell ya. You’ll think you’re averaging 60 words a minute on that ole discussion post when really you’re not typing anything at all! The old fashioned look of your sweater vest has taken you back in time – you’re from the 1940s now and you’ve never even SEEN a computer! Tough luck there buddy.
3. Now here’s a sweater vest that’ll ensure your discussion post is up to par! And by up to par, I mean it’s part of your favorite golfing attire and you’ve just spent the whole day playing the greens with your wealthy businessman father and next up is the cigar lounge, so you simply will not have the time to complete that discussion post. Drat!
4. Oh, this is one intellectual sweater vest. When you wear this scholarly apparel, it’s like you’re smart enough to write an eloquent discussion post AND teach the entire class! Hey wait a second…don’t you already teach the class? You’re the professor! You’re the one who made your students write all these discussion posts in the first place, you bastard. This is your fault! You don’t deserve the sweater vest you’re wearing. Take it off, and not in a hot way. Take it off in a deeply shameful way that indicates that you understand the gravity of your actions and promise never to assign another discussion post again. Good riddance.
Written by Francesca Varga, Secretary