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You’ve seen her walking around the hallways. That cold, vacant stare with those dark yellow eyes. All semester you always look down at the phone in the hallways when she passes you. Little did you know, the Dead-ite living on your floor is actually a pretty cool gal that everyone would love to hang out with.
Sure, she might be responsible for the havoc that ensues in Evil Dead Rise, but is that really a bad thing? What they don’t show you in the movie is that the Dead-ite love to sit outside on a nice sunny day and drink a Heineken with no lime. But you wouldn’t know that would you? You’re too busy thinking about all of the carnage that happened at the Knowby Cabin. That happened 42 years ago! People can change! Dead-ites can change! I’m sure that the Dead-ite would love nothing more than to just go out and play basketball or cook a nice meal with you but no, your bigoted viewpoints make it so that the Dead-ite is “the embodiment of evil” and “a danger to all society.”
So maybe the next time you see the Dead-ite walking up the stairs, maybe strike up a conversation with her. She has a PHD in Sumerian history so you could learn something fun with your new best friend if you just choose to listen. Just whatever you do, do NOT get her started about cheese graters.
Make sure to go see Evil Dead: Rise – now in theaters!