Category Columbus

Anaphylactic Freshman Disappointed to Learn Where CABS ‘ER’ Bus Goes

MED CAMPUS – Ohio State freshmen are reportedly having more trouble than usual navigating campus this year. New students are losing hours of their day to waiting in line for campus dining. By the time they’re done eating, there’s little… Continue Reading →

Man on COTA Caught Having Enthralling Conversation With The Voices

DOWNTOWN COLUMBUS – A local man was caught red-handed today having a conversation with The Voices aboard a COTA #2 bus. Local media outlets reported an intriguing dialogue between the man and what he appears to think is his long-lost… Continue Reading →

OSU Queer Community Responds to Rag-O-Rama Closing

CLINTONVILLE, OH- After 25 beautiful years of clothing the gay people of the greater Columbus area, the beloved thrift store Rag-O-Rama has decided to close its poetry-slam-flier plastered doors.  For years, humanities majors at Ohio State University have gone to… Continue Reading →

How to Cope With My Gay Friends Breaking Up

A queer guide for the straight guy Last Updated: November 13, 2023 It is remarkably unusual when you see queer couples breaking up. Since the little representation we have always ends in death or true love, it’s hard to see… Continue Reading →

Campus Penguin Population on Verge of Extinction, University Warns

Written by Lovelace the Penguin Frat Bro The highlight of many Ohio State students’ day is catching a glimpse of one of the lovable Olentangy Penguins that can be found on and around campus. These iconic birds tend to congregate… Continue Reading →

Would You Be Able to Get An Abortion in Ohio? (A Quiz)

Written by The Rizzler Answer these questions to the best of your ability to see if you would be able to get an abortion in the state of Ohio.  1. Do you have a uterus?  A. Yes  B. No  2…. Continue Reading →

New Duo Push Voting Mandate Causes Confusion at Polls

Written by Abe Ortion Chaos ensued at early voting polls this morning all over the city of Columbus as 65,000 Columbus voters were turned away due to issues with the digital authorization app Duo Push. A recently enacted policy requires… Continue Reading →

Newport Welcomes Keanu Reeves… and His Bandmates

Looking for something to kick off your spooky season? Look no further than Keanu Reeves’ performance with his band on October 3rd. Traveling from one corn field to the next, the band intends to perform in Columbus at Newport Music… Continue Reading →

Pretending To Find OSU Barstool Funny and 7 Other Things I Do To Feel #TogetherAsBuckeyes

Take My Shoe Off During Football Games Ah, yes. There is nothing more uniting than taking your shoe off only to step your barefoot into someone else’s nacho cheese they left on the bleacher. God forbid we only had to… Continue Reading →

Ohio State Announces Appointment of President Carter

In a shocking turn of events, The Ohio State University’s Board of Trustees hasannounced on Tuesday the appointment of the university’s 17th president, President Carter.Expected to begin his term on January 1st, 2024, President Carter will not only make history… Continue Reading →

Ohio State’s Incoming President Reveals New Policies

In a statement to the press earlier today, new University President Walter Carter Jr. discussed his administration’s key initiatives. The following is a summary of some of his more lucid remarks.  President: “The last time I ate at Scott’s, I… Continue Reading →

Abercrombie and Fitch Emergency Center Annual Back to School Sale

ABERCROMBIE & FITCH EMERGENCY CENTER, COLUMBUS- It’s that time of year again! Ohio State students are finally returning to campus after a restful summer break, and what better way to ring in a new semester than the Abercrombie and Fitch… Continue Reading →

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