How To Support Your Jewish Friend During Jewish Heritage Month
As we all know the month of May is Jewish heritage month. As Sundial’s resident Jew (96% in fact) here is how to best support your jewish friend during this special month.
- Send them money in $18 increments
As we all know the Jews love money (me included). Our lucky number is 18, so if you don’t send us money in $18 increments we will curse you and all of your loved ones.
- Buy them a space laser
Despite Bernie Sander’s claims, Marjorie Taylor Greene was correct when she said that Jews have space lasers. Us jews cherish our space lasers, so much so that we would love for you to donate one in our honor. You can purchase them at www.NASA.org/jewspacelasers/
- Send Them Your Movie Pitch
Well, the cat’s out of the bag…the Jews really do own Hollywood. Remember that movie idea you thought of in the shower? Your Jewish friend would love to hear it!
- Pick a Fight with Ye
As we all know, Ye is public enemy #1 to the Jews. If you could publicly announce on twitter or something that you want to fight Ye, we will love you forever. You don’t have to really hurt him or anything (but if you could that would be great).
- Marry One of Us
After 2000 years of inbreeding we are sick of ourselves. For the small price of a lifetime commitment, you could marry one of us. Your heterosis children will thank you.
*disclaimer the Sundial is against antisemitism and does not support antisemitic rhetoric. Happy Jewish heritage month*
Written by Sydney Katznelson