Written by TPUSA
Earlier this week, Ohio State University officials released files from Hunter Biden’s laptop implicating the president’s son in yet another shocking scandal. Hunter had apparently taken his personal laptop to the university Tech Hub for repairs when a disgruntled employee noticed files containing stolen information regarding the Ohio State Buckeyes’ play signs. The employee also discovered receipts detailing the sale of the stolen play signs to Michigan Wolverines Head Coach Jim Harbaugh.
When asked to comment, Coach Harbaugh turned bright red and began foaming at the mouth. “I am not a crook!” the Coach declared. “The reports of my involvement in the so-called ‘Sign-Stealing Scandal’ are all FAKE NEWS. This is a WITCH HUNT orchestrated by CROOKED JOE BIDEN, GAY RYAN DAY, and BITCHY BRUTUS BUCKEYE in an attempt to ROB THE WOLVERINES of the GREATEST COACH they’ve ever had!”
Coach Ryan Day of the Ohio State Buckeyes was quick to respond to the revelations. “#StopTheSteal!” Coach Day tweeted. “Now the world knows how corrupt and incompetent the Wolverines really are. Did you really think those Ann Arbor prissies could have beaten our fearless Buckeyes 86-0? Hunter Biden must have been stealing our play signs and selling them to Michigan for the past 120 years or so!”
The new yet already wildly unpopular Speaker of the House Mike Johnson described the revelation as the “last nail in the coffin” for Joe Biden’s presidency. “In light of Hunter Biden’s involvement in the Michigan Sign-Stealing Scandal, there’s no doubt in my mind that President Biden will be impeached and removed from office. The truth is, the American people don’t care if a president spies on his political opponents, incites an insurrection, or receives a blowie in the Oval Office. What they do care about is free and fair college football. The treasonous act of stealing play signs is unconstitutional, undemocratic, and un-American, and Joe Biden will pay the price for it.”