Dear Amy,
I have a serious problem. There’s this person that I have a crush on, but there’s no way she even knows I exist. You see, she writes this incredibly funny advice column for a very popular humor magazine. I can tell from the way she writes that she must be the smartest and most interesting person on the earth, but I have no way to get in contact with her.
Lovingly,
Crushing on a Cute Columnist
Dear Crushing on a Cute Columnist,
I’m glad you reached out to tell me about your feelings. I wonder who you’re crushing so hard on? Clearly it can’t be anyone from this unfunny advice column in a moderately popular humor magazine. Maybe it’s one of my friends over at the Princeton Tiger. I could do my usual shtick and give you some wildly unhelpful advice, but this situation seems too serious. Have you thought about writing in to the column with a question about how much you like this cute columnist and how you hope to get in contact with her? There’s no way she won’t know you’re interested then. I hope that helps you Crushing on a Cute Columnist, and good luck with your crush, she sounds cool.
Best,
An anonymous Sundial member whose name definitely won’t be in the byline
Written by Hannah Wagner, Senior Staff Member